Compliment Sandwich: Does this really work?
I’m sure you have all heard about the compliment sandwich (or feedback sandwich), and you may have even based many of your performance conversations around this during your career. This method for approaching conversations has been widely popular for years and has continued to be the way most managers rely on to provide feedback to their team. The question is, does this really work?
Let’s dig into why the compliment sandwich is used and whether it is truly effective or not…
“Compliment Sandwich”
The concept of the compliment sandwich is that you provide feedback by starting the conversation with something positive they are doing, then give them feedback, and then lastly, you end with another positive action or attribute of theirs.
The reason why managers like to use this method is it feels like it “softens the blow”. You’re boosting up the employee’s esteem by giving them kudos in areas they are doing well (which are usually true!), while delivering feedback on areas you want to see improvement in. You might be thinking, “Wow, that sounds great!”— and in theory it is. However, the reality is that this approach to delivering feedback isn’t going to get the results you are looking for.
The reason why this isn’t the most effective approach to feedback conversations is that our brains tend to listen and absorb information differently in these types of scenarios:
we have a tendency to only remember the most recent thing someone told us. So while you may have squeezed the bit of information into your conversation, they are only remember the end of the conversation. Which in this case, is the compliment.
we’re always waiting for the big news to be dropped which means we’re paying less attention to what is being said until we get the news. Therefore, the longer you wait to get to the point, the less they are actually going to take in the information that you want them to take in.
I understand that giving feedback can be stressful, especially when we’re anticipating how the other person may react. But don’t take shortcuts! Making it easier in the short-term however will make it more difficult in the long-term. While you may reduce your anxiety for this meeting by giving them compliments throughout the conversation, if it is not an effective conversation then you are likely to have to have the conversation AGAIN.
I don’t know about you, but I would rather have the conversation once than repeat the experience over again.
A large reason why leaders struggle with taking a direct approach to feedback conversations is that we assume that others will resist feedback or differing opinions which causes us to be hesitant to bring up information or provide constructive feedback. We see feedback as a punishment, instead of a kindness and desire to want someone to succeed, whether that be at work, in a relationship, or in a friendship.
Here is some advice to consider:
Reframe the meaning of giving performance feedback to it being a kindness and a gift. Your intent is to support them in growth, let that be your guiding purpose during the meeting.
Do it right the first time. Even if it is hard.
Instead of the compliment sandwich, begin your conversation by talking about the main point/takeaway, then move into details, and close with next steps. Taking this approach gets the stressful part (for both you and the employee) of the conversation out of the way which allows you to be more relaxed and productive with discussing the steps that led you there or you will take moving forward.